By: Erika W. Venci
Maternity leave is over soon.. Writing a letter to my 11 week old son made me feel a little better but it's still so hard!
My Sweet Bodhi,
It feels like just yesterday you were born. You came into this world screaming and strong. I will never forget the moment I saw you.. You were perfect. Daddy helped carry you onto my belly and I was just staring at you with a huge smile thinking I can't believe how perfect he is and I can't believe he is our baby! I didn't even cry the first day because I was in shock. You were warm and your skin was wet and slippery. I held you close to keep you warm and they put a yellow hat over your beautiful black head of hair. Your daddy and I were so in love with you..
You have grown so much the past 11 weeks. You are already 13lbs 6oz and 24.5 inches long! 75th and 90th percentile.. Mommy is so proud of you for nursing so well and growing so big!
And the past 11 weeks with you have been the happiest of my life. I cannot put into words how much I love you. You are my world and I love you with every cell in my body.. It brings me to tears.
In one week, I have to go back to work. I want you to know that every piece of me is screaming not to go.. Not to leave my sweet little baby for 9 hours a day for weeks and months on end.. Every instinct in my body is saying to stay with you. But my sweet baby, I have to be apart from you for a little while. I want you to know that if I had it my way, I wouldn't be apart from you.. I would hold you and rock you and cuddle with you all day long. I would sing you your favorite song all day if I could.
I want to be with you all day but I also need to earn money for our family right now.. It kills me but this is what we have to do.
I will be thinking about you every minute I am away from you.. I will miss you with every inch of me.. I will stare at your pictures and videos on my phone all day long.. And I will talk about you to anyone who will listen.. I promise you.. I promise you that I will continue to give you the precious milk you deserve. I will work hard every day to bring home milk for you to eat when I am gone the next day. And everyday when we are reunited, I will hug and kiss you so hard you will think your mommy is crazy.
I hope that you will understand all of this someday.. I know you won't understand now which is what worries me... I hope you won't miss me as much as I'm going to miss you. We have been together for 11 months since the time I started carrying you in my tummy. I feel like we have always been together and we are one.
My love for you is greater than anything in this world, little boy. You are my light.
I love you Bodhi baby. We will get through this.