The Lessons That Only Motherhood Can Teach

By: Kristy Kemp 

Being a mom has taught me , well I would have to write a book to share everything, but I will share a few. Being a mom has taught me what true unconditional love means. That it is possible to love so deeply it hurts. That even if you have done everything right it's all wrong. Your patience is tested every single day some days you pass the test with flying colors and some days you fail miserably, but you learn to forgive yourself even more everyday. It's hard to accept that you're human because that means you make mistakes and being a mom has taught me that the thought I may mess up terrifies me because I set myself to some perfect non human standard. When reality hits and I make a mistake which I inevitably do, the feeling of guilt overwhelms me because remember that non human standard I try to live up to? The standard in which I do all the right things, say all the right things, yeah it's not humanly possible. I learned instead of trying to live by some unrealistic standard, to instead realize that I can't and learn to accept and be okay with it and not hide in a corner thinking my life's a disaster. It was really hard in the beginning to let go of all the guilt and the shame, but I learn to let go of just a little each and every single day.

I learn how to give my undivided attention even when I'd rather be watching Netflix. I learn how to put aside what I'd rather be doing, so I can to what someone else would rather be doing and I will probably end up enjoying it more, that the deliria talking, who am I kidding a lot of the time it's a bore, but hey on the plus side It's taught me to appreciate the me moments that much more. It's taught me that sometimes it's okay to put myself first because if I'm not taken care of I cannot be at my best to take care of someone else. I learned that some days my child will hate me and that it's a sign I'm doing something right because raising a kid means guiding them despite the fact they don't want you to, but part of being a parent means knowing that they won't hate you forever, but grow up appreciating that you taught them love and respect even though they put up a fight. That time they uttered those three words parents everywhere dread to hear , "I hate you" meant nothing compared, to the life long lessons that you taught them so that they would grow up prepared. It may hurt in the moment , it may cut you deep like a knife, but you soon learn that they were just empty words that were said out of spite. You learn that sometimes you have to make tough choices that you would rather not have to do , but you learn that you're a parent and that means doing what you don't want to do, but have to, because that comes with being a parent and it's what good parents do.

I learned that being a mom means making a choice even when you don't know exactly what the outcome will be , but you don't have time to think because I learned that often times being a mom means being quick on your feet. No time for second guessing just going with your gut and being able to accept that going with your own gut is enough. Being a mom has taught me that I will learn something new about myself everyday, that life is a process of growing in an ever changing way. Part of learning means accepting you do not know it all and that was probably the biggest lesson that was the hardest of them all. That knowing it all isn't what's important, it's about having an open mind to learn things as you go because if you don't do that than you will never learn to grow.

Being a good parent isn't one who thinks they know it all by day one, it's one who can accept that it takes time to learn your child's individual needs and wants. Realizing that children aren't robots they don't come with an instruction book. So you can't come into it with all the answers because you first have to learn them . Your child is your teacher & that's where you should look to Learn how to be the best mom. Not from a book, or a forum, or your neighbor down the street, and the quicker you understand that the more successful you will be. The quicker you accept that the best parenting information you will learn isn't coming from a book, you will pay a whole lot more attention to the daily lessons your child teaches you when you finally know where to look. The best parenting advice I could give is go into it with eyes wide open , but no expectations and don't have all the answers because you won't be open to learning the real ones , that only your kid can teach you , so just be patient and willing to learn because that's probably the best thing you can do as a parent instead of pretending you already know all the answers because good parents are open to learn. I know what you're thinking can I be anymore vague? I'm not gonna tell you what I think would be best for your child because I honestly do not know. How can I tell you what is best when I'm still learning that about my own? Do you get it now? Have you understood my point? Being the best parent you can be means reading the books and hearing unsolicited advice , but knowing that it may not work because your child may have other plans in store. So the best parenting advice I would have given myself back then is to take this parenting thing day by day and it's absolutely okay to not know all the answers right away! That the road to being a good parent is a journey that both you and your child have to take and grow through together. That is the true key to good parenting.

April 11, 2016/ Kristy Kemp/

Kristy Kemp

My name is Kristy Kemp. I created Breastfeeding Mama Talk back in September 2012. My motivation behind creating Breastfeeding Mama Talk was to be that support system for breastfeeding mothers around the world.

The Exact Moment I Knew I Was Meant To Be A Breastfeeding Advocate

By: Kristy Kemp 

I did not grow up thinking, "One day when I grow up I'm gonna run a huge breastfeeding support community and help moms through their journey all over the world." No that wasn't the case. That wasn't the case because I didn't even know a position like that or role like that existed. Looking back I don't ever recall even seeing breastfeeding. I remember in my teens being shocked that babies can get milk from the breast too, instead of just a bottle, but I didn't understand the specifics of it. I thought maybe it was just something they did right after birth, but then when you take them home from the hospital it's straight to formula and bottles. I also think that's part of the problem in today's society is lack of awareness and knowledge. Sure you can let your kid know that babies get milk from a boob too, but they can't really fully comprehend the extent of it unless they are around it, they see it, they have more than a 1 minute conversation about it. Hiding your kids from knowing and understanding breastfeeding is a HUGE disservice to them, but that's another topic for a different day.

September 12th 2012 I created my Support community, "Breastfeeding Mama Talk." Why did I start it? Well I'm a passionate person and when I discovered how "controversial" breastfeeding was it inspired me to create a page dedicated to defending a woman's right to breastfeed however, wherever, & for however long ... I didn't have support when I breastfed my son and I wish I had it, so if I could help another mom in small way get what I didn't have I thought it would be amazing.  I thought of it more as a hobby then, something to do on my spare time. I didn't think it would amount to anything too serious. Just a place that is there for ANYONE to be able to find if they needed and in the meantime I will just post things as I go along with the hope it will reach out to someone who needs to see it. That was the plan anyway.

About 4 or 6 months into running the page I had gained about 2,000 followers nothing compared to the 650,000 followers I have today, but I never got into this for the popularity, so my work felt just as effective then as it does today and it was going good. I was posting lots of breastfeeding photos as many as I can because it makes the mamas feel special and be a part of something positive & help normalize breastfeeding. But as you know not everyone thinks so positively about breastfeeding. I didn't realize how bad it was until I kept getting booted off Facebook with Facebook telling me they removed the photo because it violated their terms. I was so confused because Facebook policy clearly stated that breastfeeding photos were allowed. So I still kept posting them, thinking maybe it was just an error. It kept happening and then I was getting bans off Facebook. First ban was 24 hours, second ban 48 hours, then three days, then seven and it was when I got the 7 day ban I realized, maybe this isn't an error, maybe I need to do something about it because at this rate I will be banned forever! The thought of that scared the crap out of me. I couldn't abandon my promise to all those moms so I had to do something about it. What could I do though? It's Facebook's world and I'm just living in it. So I researched ways I could try and get in contact with a human at Facebook. Any of you who have ever attempted that knows it's near impossible. I still tried. I called some 800 number I found , in fact, I called many, but either the number was disconnected or automated voice. I listened to the computer talk to me and BAM, they mention if I was the press to leave a message. A light bulb flickered. Hmmm Either I turn myself into a reporter to talk to Facebook or I reach out to one and hope they can help. I made a post on my page asking my community what they think I should do and they all said I definitely should reach out to my local news, that it was worth it, and that they were in my corner. So I called my local news thinking nothing would come of it, but at least I can say I did everything in my power to fight it. Thirty minutes later I get a knock at my door. It was two people with cameras and a microphone. I was like, "Oh my God, this is actually happening. I'm going on national television to fight Facebook."

Didn't know what I was going to say, didn't have a speech prepared, but I was gonna do this thing. I explained to the reporter how I'm just trying to support moms, but Facebook is punishing me for it, going against their own policy. I told her that I can't sleep at night with the possibility of waking up to me being completely banned from communication with these moms. After the Interview they left and I waited. Not sure what was going to happen next. Sure I was nervous and excited to watch my interview on Television at 10 Pm, but I was scared that it wouldn't accomplish what I set out to accomplish which was getting Facebook to pay attention and fix their mistake. I ended up laying in my bedroom and turned on the television to try and keep my mind off of it .  I couldn't keep watching my computer it was finger nail biting anticipation. Around 8:30 pm I received a Phone call it was the news reporter asking if I had heard from Facebook and I hadn't. She asked me if the ban was lifted and as far as I had known I was still banned and I wasn't sure so I logged onto my computer and Yep sure enough the ban got lifted with an apology from Facebook! The Reporter just wanted to get verification from me that Facebook lifted the ban to add that in the story.

 It was Exhilarating, it was empowering, it was life changing... It was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, it was vindication.. Then I felt excitement and proud about all the people that were going to tune in to hear about what happened. To see there was someone that would not back down to bullies and fight for breastfeeding moms at whatever cost. Probably the proudest moment of my life aside from having my kid.

Here is the Fox 40 segment I did outing Facebook for banning me for posting breastfeeding pics. I got the ban lifted...

Posted by Breastfeeding Mama Talk on Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Was I scared about the backlash I would get after the segment aired? I would be lying if I said I wasn't, but that was a moment I was truly tested in my role as a breastfeeding advocate. How serious do I take this role? I felt like if I didn't at least try to fight it to the best of my ability then I had no business calling myself an advocate. Everyone knew what was happening and they were all rooting for me to do this, had I not tried I don't think I would be able to get my community of 2,000 mamas to take me seriously, to trust me, to have confidence that I would support them and fight for them. That day I realized I had a big responsibility, I had a duty to live up to. That day the little support community I started as a hobby, something to do on my free time, was turned into my life's purpose, what I feel like I was set on this earth to do. That day is when I feel like I earned the privilege of calling myself a breastfeeding advocate. Now I'm not saying this is what everyone who calls themselves an advocate should have to do, but for my personal journey it was necessary.

No I did not grow up thinking, "I'm gonna be a breastfeeding advocate when I grow up" because I had not yet experienced what would lead me to that discovery. I have a dream that one day Breastfeeding will be so normal in this society that kids will grow up already knowing that they want to grow up supporting moms meet their breastfeeding goals. 

Huffington Post Article

Fox 40 Article

6 Contradictory Arguments Against Breastfeeding

By: Kristy Kemp 

A lot of the arguments I hear against breastfeeding contradict themselves. I have listed 6 of them in this article.. What would you add to this list? 

1.) "Show some respect and at least cover yourself when you breastfeed."

Respect- Agree to recognize and abide by (a legal requirement).

Since it's a woman's legal right to breastfeed in public HOWEVER she chooses, I'd say the only ones being disrespectful are the ones interfering, not recognizing or RESPECTING said law.

Respect- avoid harming or interfering with.

I would say interfering with a mom breastfeeding her baby is pretty disrespectful.

So yeah I agree. Show some respect by recognizing and abiding by the law which says a woman can breastfeed in public and respect said mother and child by not interfering with a mom feeding her baby a meal.

2.) "Breastfeeding is the best nutrition, but it definitely shouldn't happen after 12 months."

The Word Health Organization Recommendation on Breastfeeding- Encourages breastfeeding all the way up to age two or beyond alongside complimentary foods.

You can't pick and choose when something is the best or not based off your personal preference. Scientifically speaking breastmilk consumed at any age is beneficial and nutritional. If you agree that breastmilk is the best nutrition from age 0-12 months, but think it's pointless past 12 months you contradict yourself.

3.) "I don't think there is anything sexual about breastfeeding, but breasts are seen as sexual, therefore I don't want my kids or my husband to see it."

The main purpose of a breast is to produce milk to feed our offspring. Sure, they can be used sexually as well, but when they are being used to feed a baby there is nothing sexual about the breast in that moment.

Saying you know there isn't anything sexual about breastfeeding, would mean that you have learned to separate breasts in the sexual sense verse their biological purpose, but saying that you know there isn't anything sexual about breastfeeding, but it should still be hidden from view because breasts are sexual is contradicting because you are then still associating sex with breastfeeding. Get it?

4.) "I'm okay with kids playing make believe, but I think a kid pretending to breastfeed is inappropriate."

Kids imitate what they see. If they are around breastfeeding, then it only makes sense that they will pretend to breastfeed instead of going for a play bottle.

If you're truly okay with kids playing make believe then you shouldn't have an issue with kids playing make believe in regards to breastfeeding. If you would be fine with make believe bottle feeding, but have an issue with make believe breastfeeding it contradicts your belief. I assure you that a kid imitating the act of breastfeeding is normal and very appropriate and we should encourage our kids if they do it, not discourage them.

5.) "I understand a baby needs to eat, but there is a time and a place and at church or a funeral is definitely not the time or place to breastfeed, learn to time your trips out better."

Breastfed babies normally feed on demand meaning there is no schedule, rhyme or reason why a baby would want to nurse in that moment. If you truly understood that a baby needs to eat then that would apply no matter where they happen to be at that time. So with that logic breastfeeding moms should just never attend funerals or Churches because even though a baby needs to nurse it wouldn't be appropriate to do so there. Come on now.

6.) "I'm all for breastfeeding, but you don't need to post pictures of it all over Facebook! I sure don't want it thrown in my face!"

Moms post breastfeeding pictures just like moms posting pictures of any other bonding moment they share with their kids. Moms post pictures for lots of reasons and none of those reasons are about throwing breastfeeding in your face.

If you feel so strongly against seeing breastfeeding on social media then you're definitely not , "All for breastfeeding" and it's very contradictory to say that you are when in the next breath you basically insult it. Learn how to scroll or hide things from your feed because if you were truly "all for breastfeeding" you wouldn't rush to openly insult it or put it down. Breastfeeding pictures are breastfeeding just the same. If you're against the breastfeeding pictures, you're against breastfeeding.

15 Ignorant Excuses People Give Why A Mom Shouldn't Breastfeed In Public

By: Kim Phillips Bowen

49 out of the 50 States make breastfeeding in public a legally protected right.

1. "It should only be done in private or it is between a mother and child."

a. So then a woman giving her child a bottle is also something to be done in private?
b. Do you always eat in private?
c. If you choose to do it in private then that is your choice. Not everyone chooses to do that nor do they have to.
d. Does that mean that a breastfeeding mom should never leave her house? This is just not possible for most women.
e. Would you want to get up from dinner with your family or stop what you are doing to find a private location?

2. "Cover Up."

a. Many babies hate being covered even with a light blanket. They will kick, scream, and make a fuss.
b. It might be 90 degrees out, would you want to be under a blanket?
c. Do you eat with a blanket on your head?

3. "Bring a bottle."

a. Many babies refuse bottles, you could try tons of different types over and over and yet, they refuse.
b. Breast pumps can be expensive and many women are unable to get enough milk out when pumping despite being able to produce enough milk to breastfeed.
1. Pumping can be time consuming, difficult and painful for many women too.

4. "Don't leave the house when a baby will be hungry."

a. Do you eat at the exact same time every day?
b. Many women have kids, jobs etc. and with busy lives, this is not an option.
c. Many breastfed babies eat on demand, especially because they have small stomachs and eat more frequently.

5. "Be discreet."

a. There are different definitions of discreet. Yours may be different from the person next to you. Generally speaking, when a baby is actually nursing, the entire nipple is in his mouth. You probably see less boob than in many low cut dresses or swim suits.
b. Most women don't “whip it out” and stand up and say “Hey, look at me, I am getting my boobs out to nurse.” Most people would not even notice a women breastfeeding.
c. The more people that see a women breastfeeding, the more it becomes the norm.
d. People have foot fetishes so should everyone wear socks?

6. "Why don't you just go in the bathroom?"

a. Seriously?? Bathrooms are DIRTY AND GERM FILLED. Would you even think about eating in one?

7. "I don't pee in public, why should a women nurse in public? Or peeing is natural too. (This goes for sex as well)."

a. They are two totally different things. The above argument is totally irrelevant unless you are trying to ban public eating too.
b. There are bathrooms specifically created for peeing.
c. Peeing (or having sex) in public is against the law. Breastfeeding in public is a legally protected act.

8. "Why do women these days think it is ok to breastfeed in public? Women in my day were discreet."

a. Guess what? You may not remember it but up until the early 1970’s, it was totally normal for women to breastfeed in public. It was on tv shows too-like Sesame
Street and Mr. Rogers.
b. It wasn’t until formula companies started making women think they shouldn’t nurse in public. This was their way of getting more women to purchase formula.
c. http://www.buzzfeed.com/morganshanahan/stunning-portraits-of-breastfeeding-mothers-throughout-hi#.thyM8YY8l 

9. "It is a sexual act."

a. Seriously, go back to school or actually go to jail because if you think breastfeeding a baby is in any way remotely sexual, then you are a disgusting, perverted pedophile.
b. Breasts were created to feed a child. That is their sole purpose. They have been sexualized by society. There is absolutely nothing sexual about a baby breastfeeding.

10. "I don’t want my kids seeing that."

a. Again, there is NOTHING sexual about breastfeeding.
b. You don’t want your kids to know what breasts are actually for?
c. It is ok for your child to walk by a lingerie ad that is 10 feet tall with boobs spilling out and is clearly selling sex, but you don’t want your kids to know what breasts are actually for?
d. If more kids witnessed nursing they would grow up knowing that breasts are not sexual objects, be more respectful of women, and be more likely to nurse or support a nursing spouse in the future.

11. "It is inviting trouble."
a. That is like saying a women wearing a short skirt deserves to be raped. This statement is not okay and is not what we should be teaching our children.
b. Teach your children what breasts are for and when they grow up, this won’t be an issue.
c. We should be teaching children to respect their bodies and respect other people’s bodies no matter what.

12. "I don't want my husband/boyfriend seeing that."

a. You probably have an issue in your relationship.
b. He is a grown man; didn't he learn not to stare?

13. "That baby is too old to be nursing."

a. The CDC (Center for Disease Control) and the WHO (World Heath Organization) among other international and national heath agencies all recommend a baby nurse until AT LEAST age 2. That says AT LEAST!
b. Women around the world nurse an average of 4 years.
c. A baby’s immune system is not fully developed until age 2 and nursing helps the immune system the most.

14. "There is formula so a mom doesn't need to nurse."

a. Breastfeeding benefits extend well beyond basic nutrition.
b. Breast milk is like liquid gold. There is nothing in the world that can compare to a mother’s milk.
c. I could write a hundred page article on the studies that have been done about the benefits of breastfeeding. The benefits are for mother (lower rate of breast cancer and ovarian cancer and more) and baby (lower risk of SIDS, leukemia, to less chance of any illness and to get through illnesses easier than formula fed babies etc).
d. The United States would save BILLIONS of dollars a year if just 50% of mothers breastfed exclusively at least 6 months. This would also save thousands of babies lives!!!
e. Do you have any idea how much formula costs?
f. The cost of formula can range anywhere from $134 to $491 per month. That’s $1,608 to $5,892 in one year.
g. We are lucky we live in a country where moms have a choice. If a mom chooses formula, she should not be shamed for that either.

15. "I don't want to see that."

a. I may not want to see the guy at the next table chewing his food with his mouth open either.
b. If you don’t like it, Don’t look.
c. Along this same line of thinking, many people erroneously believe they have the right not to see a women nurse-well they don’t because the law protects the nursing mother not the one who may see her nursing.

*I will repeat that Breastfeeding is a legally protected right. If you disagree, then don't do it or don't look. Otherwise, you have absolutely no right to shame a mother for feeding her child. Didn’t your mom ever tell you, “If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.”
*We need to encourage more mothers to breastfeed. Any discouragement or negative words makes many women feel uncomfortable and they may never try to nurse or stop earlier than they had planned. For the future of this country and the future of our children, learn the facts and stop saying ignorant things.
*Don’t say “I support breastfeeding but…”, if you support breastfeeding then support all breastfeeding!
NEVER approach a breastfeeding mom unless you are offering kind words!!
*A few more important points: When a mom is kicked out of a restaurant for nursing (or other location she is legally allowed to be) it should make the news. She isn’t trying to “get her 15 minutes of fame.” She is trying to educate people about the law and why harassing and shaming a breastfeeding mom is not okay. It helps other moms too!
Breastfeeding pictures: Do not report them to facebook. They are allowed on facebook.
1. They are beautiful.
2. They help normalize breastfeeding.
3. These families are capturing their children’s lives.
4. Go on any twenty something’s facebook page and I guarantee you will see a lot more boob.
5. If you don’t like it, scroll on by.
6. They help other moms feel safe in their decision to breastfeed.
However and wherever you choose to feed your child is your choice. In public or in private, covered or uncovered, breast, pump or bottle. Do what you feel is the right thing for your child and your family and don’t judge others for doing what is the best thing for their children.

~Kimberly Phillips, Proud breastfeeding mom and advocate.

The Last Latch

By: Kristy Kemp 

We have this special connection that I would like to attribute to breastfeeding . Through breastfeeding I have been able to sustain your life for as long as you have been alive. I have been able to comfort you all throughout the night. It was the only way I could ever get you to shut your eyes.

Breastfeeding you has been a big part, probably the biggest of our lives. Even before you came home from the hospital you were latched right on. baby & boob is pretty much all we knew .

I'm not sure how we will be able to cope now that the time has come, for us to end this chapter, but dear baby, know that our connection will always live on. I may not be your sole source of nutrition anymore, but I will always know how to comfort you, love you, cuddle you, after all I am your mother.

This transition is probably harder on me than it is on you. You are growing up so fast and one day out of the blue you didn't want to latch. You are telling me you're ready to let this part of us go, but only when you're ready because I will never tell you no.

We have a special bond that will always live on. Breastfeeding you has had it's ups and downs that we both had to go through. Sometimes being a mom means knowing when to let go so that you have the freedom to thrive and grow.

I may never be able to breastfeed you again, but the memories I will always cherish, I mean in a way mommy's never really let go, but more so take a back seat so that they can watch their children flourish. 

The Last latch, the last time we will ever connect in this way, but dear baby, I'm okay with that because our bond, our connection, our love will always live on.