7 Reasons Why Sex Hasn't Appealed To Me Since Having A Child
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By: Kristy Kemp
So I'm really putting myself out there with this article. I'm going into my uncomfortable place, but I feel it's something that needs to be discussed more. Sex seems to be a hard topic many women feel uncomfortable opening up about. I've decided to get personal and share how having a child has pretty much depleted my desire for sex. Now I'm not in any way blaming my son and I'm definitely not saying that all moms feel this way. I'm sharing this so maybe another mom who is experiencing the same can see she isn't alone or maybe this helps some of the men understand a little bit whats going on and that if their wife isn't really feeling sex it doesn't necessarily mean it's because of anything he is doing.
So let's just say when I first got with my husband over ten years ago sex was definitely not an issue. I loved my body, it was new for me, yes my husband is who I gave my virginity to. Told you I was getting real. We experimented with new things and it was fun. For the first five years we had sex at least once a day and then...
We brought our son home from the hospital....
Breastfeeding 4 Year Old Triplets Go To School
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Davina Wright, Mom to 4 year old triplets, opened up about her breastfeeding journey awhile back. you can read that one (HERE). I have since stayed in contact with her and saw a post she made about their first day of school. She said they have not fully weaned yet and I was dying to hear about how they did at school. One thing I hear a ton of when people find out a mom is "still" breastfeeding at age 2 or 3 or even 4 plus is, "Well what about when they go to school? How does that work?" A lot of people have a misconception about natural term breastfeeding. Just because a 4 year old still breastfeeds, it doesn't mean said child or children breastfeed 20 times a day like when they were babies. At 4, their main diet would be solids and breastfeeding would mainly be about comfort. Granted, they are still receiving all that fabulous nutrition as well. Check out how these 4 year old triplets who are "still" breastfeeding did at school away from mom!
By: Davina Wright
At 4 years and 3 months old, my triplets have started pre-school. Just 2 days a week, for 3-4 hours a day…a short amount of time, in preparation for ‘big’ school in just under a years’ time. It has been a gradual and child-led transition. It took 3 weeks before they were happy to say ‘You can go now mama!’ But they are happy there, and they are independent, and they are thriving, and the thing I credit most for that is our secure attachment, our bond…enabled, in part, by breastfeeding. Yes, my school age children are breastfed…still.
I’m not saying that you can’t have secure, attached, independent children if you don’t breastfeed this long, I am simply telling my story of how it works for me and my family and if I can support and inspire and encourage others then that is a huge bonus, and that is why I am STILL writing, about STILL breastfeeding.
I have heard the nay-sayers since my triplets turned one, and I did a guest blog about our first year of breastfeeding. I have read every negative comment under the sun, and really there are only about 6 of them, slightly differently recycled each time but generally still the same. It doesn’t bother me, because I don’t know those random internet strangers, but I do know my children. Love them immensely in fact. And when I see them so full of happiness, so secure in their new world, so eager to rush off and learn and explore…I know I am doing the right thing by them, and that is all that matters to me.
Maybe it’s because they are triplets, I don’t know, but they are still fiercely competitive for boobie, this is not something that is ‘all about me’, these three definitely still want to nurse, they would have it more often if they could, but we are pretty much down to just morning and before bedtime nursing. So there is no worrying about ‘what if they want it at school?’, that just doesn’t come up. Likewise, the other children aren’t about to ‘bully’ them for being breastfed, because they don’t know…probably are too young to care even if they did.
Another thing people often wonder about is ‘what if they remember being breastfed when they are older?’ Well I certainly hope they do remember it, because what they will remember is a wonderful closeness, a bonding, a moment in time with mama when all was right with their world. My trio can be running around being totally crazy and after 10 minutes of boobie will be sound asleep, THAT’S how calming and relaxing it is, who wouldn’t want that, and why wouldn’t I want them to remember that?
Let me say, when I get those comments about 'why don't you do this instead?' or 'why don't you do that instead?', I don't breastfeed my kids INSTEAD OF all those things other parents do, breastfeeding is something I do AS WELL AS all those other things. They drink out of cups all day long AS WELL AS getting a breastfeed in the morning...they get stories before bed AS WELL AS nursing to sleep...they get cuddles when they hurt themselves AS WELL AS the opportunity to breastfeed if they want that comfort. Breastfeeding to natural term isn’t about a ‘lack’ of parenting skills, it is totally an extra parenting tool and one that works very well in our situation.
In the early days when the triplets were newborns, breastfeeding was basically a full time job, with cluster feeding and growth spurts I could be doing 30-40 nursing sessions a day! Most days I got nothing else done at all. But now a nursing session is fairly quick, only twice a day, and really just a time to connect with each of them one on one. Of course we connect in many other ways too, but usually that is as a ‘group’, even cuddles seem to become a group thing! Nursing is an extra something that bonds us. The morning session seems to centre them ready for the rest of their day (much like many adults need their coffee!), and the night time session sends them right off to sleep.
The bottom line is that breastfeeding still works well for my family, my kids still want it and I see no reason to arbitrarily ‘cut them off’. When I look at my children I see that it is perfectly possible to have independent, well-adjusted, happy little (school aged) people who ‘still’ have nursing as part of their lives. I am not telling anyone else they should do this, I am sharing my story to support others who are already doing this, to be an inspiration for others who may want to do this, and to educate anyone who has a wish to learn.
How Much Do You Really Support Breastfeeding? Take This Quiz & See!
/Take this fun quiz to see where you stand when it comes to supporting breastfeeding. Feel free to share your result on your Facebook page and share with me too !
Moms Easter Basket Giveaway $270 Value!
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A three piece Life Legacy package. This is three European beads where the mama can choose what inclusions (milk, hair, umbilical, etc) she would like to have in each of her three beads. This 3 piece set is valued at $150 and I will also pay for shipping of the jewelry, including to international mamas.
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Why I Drove Two Hours To Have A Natural Birth
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Sadly, it isn’t. You see, twin pregnancies are often labeled as “high risk.” Considering that twin births are up 78% since 1980, it’s incredibly surprising that every twin mom would need to be treated this way.
I can tell you several reasons why I was an ideal candidate to NOT be considered “high risk:”
1. I was 23 years old
2. my twins were dizygotic/diamniotic
3. I did not have any chronic health conditions
4. I had no previous pregnancies – ergo no previous complications
5. My twins were spontaneous
Here’s the reasons for why I (technically) should have been “high risk:”
1. I was having two kids at once
When choosing obstetrical care – I felt backed into a corner. The current medical establishment has a metric ton of criteria for twins to be born naturally. One of the, perfectly nice, physicians I saw gave me the following stipulations for having a “natural” twin birth at the local hospital:
1. I must give birth in the OR (just in case)
2. I must have an epidural placed even though I didn’t want one (just in case)
3. If twin A is not head first, automatic c-section
4. If twin B is not head first, there’s a possibility for a vaginal/C-section combo (AKA the dreaded “double whammy”)
5. If twin A is smaller than twin B (based off of notoriously unreliable ultrasound measurements) – automatic c-section
6. Basically, if I breathed the wrong way – c-section
I’m not here to make anyone feel bad about how their births went, or speaking to situations where medical interventions prevented mortality. I simply want you to know that I felt as though this was unacceptable, and I felt trapped. I wanted nothing more than to experience birth naturally – you know, the Ricki Lake in The Business of Being Born, kind of natural. I didn’t understand why I wouldn’t be “allowed” to do what our bodies were literally made to do. If my body could make two babies, it could certainly birth them. As my husband likes to say, “did all twin moms just die before c-sections?”
I felt paralyzed by the idea that I couldn’t have the birth I wanted. I checked with a local mom’s group on Facebook and asked if anyone had suggestions about care providers who were more understanding. I was referred to a doctor 2 hours from my home. He looked amazing. He specialized in high risk perinatology, but also believed in home births, had a group of midwives in his practice, and he took new patients at almost any point in their pregnancy. My husband and I prayed and sat on the decision for a few days. I had some input from family members who were concerned for our safety and thought we might be better off sticking to the original plan. Something told us the original plan was not right. Ultimately, I made the appointments and transferred my records the 120 miles that were necessary for me to receive appropriate care. If an emergency occurred, I’d go to the local hospital and be no worse for the wear.
After my first appointment with my new midwives and doctor, a wave of relief rushed over me. There was no pressure. There was no criteria. There were no stipulations. The doctor effectively told me that although the literature categorized me as “high risk” – I was as normal as could be. He assured me – there is nothing abnormal about having two babies.
I continued to drive the 2 hours each way every single week, by myself, until the end of my pregnancy. The only time my husband was ever able to go with me was my 36 week appointment. It was not easy. Carrying two babies, I needed a nap after unloading the dishwasher. Driving 4 hours in one day (even longer if you include 18 stops to the restroom) was incredibly taxing. I can tell you now that it was worth every ounce of effort. I had the natural birth I wanted. I did not need to have an epidural, and I gave birth in a regular hospital room. I was treated like anyone else. I was able to get off the monitor and walk around. I was able to eat. I was not micromanaged. My doula was present. The doctor let my husband deliver my babies and he will forever be the first person to touch them as they entered this world. I had 2.5 hours of skin to skin with my infants before anyone asked to touch them. It was a dream experience, predicated on the effort we put forth and the risks we took to make it happen.
I have two healthy babies, yes – that is all that matters. But, birth matters too. We hear people say these things, and it almost negates the fact that a woman’s experience is important. My first birth was not just my babies’ birthday – it was an experience that defined my life and my future. I know things don’t always go as planned in these scenarios, but we shouldn’t be told that we can’t before we even start. We shouldn’t be generalized into criteria that don’t make sense. There is nothing wrong with our bodies – until it’s wrong, and then we can address it. Until we all acknowledge that birth matters – we may need to keep going the distance to reach our goals.
Twin A, by the way, was smaller than Twin B.
Source- Down Home Duo
