How My Struggles With Breastfeeding Lead To My Activism...
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Let me start off by saying that my love for breastfeeding certainly did not come from my own personal experience with it. When I had my son a little over 4 years ago I did not have far as much knowledge for breastfeeding and many other parenting related things that I have now. I hadn't even created my support page, “Breastfeeding Mama Talk” until about 2 years in to motherhood.
At first I hadn't even really planned to breastfeed I didn't know what the point of it was. I figured it would just be easier to formula feed and I didn't have confidence that I would or could even make milk. Fortunately in order to be qualified for WIC they make you attend classes and they will not provide formula for the first 30 days after you have your baby because their hope is that you choose to breastfeed. Well it just so happened they had one of the classes on the benefits of breastfeeding. Once I learned the comparison between formula and breastmilk and how much more benefits breastmilk had I thought, “how could I not at least try to breastfeed” because I wanted to give my baby the best possible start in life.
I went into breastfeeding with no advice, no knowledge, and my biggest regret, no support. I never realized just how demanding breastfeeding was. I also had postpartum depression , but didn't realize it until it was too late. I loved and love my son with every inch of my being and I wouldn't have traded anything to not have had him, but I will be honest I had many nights where I cried in the bathroom thinking, “What did I get myself into?” My Husband worked the graveyard shift back then so he was either working or sleeping so as far as Zander's care it was all on me. I also do not live near any of my family. In fact my mom hadn't even met him for the first time until he was 3 months old. Waking up every 1-2 hours to breastfeed him felt so draining, but that is the usual feeling most new moms have. I had a love/hate relationship with breastfeeding. I loved that I was able to provide my sons nutrition with my body, but it would have been nice to have been able to get a solid 4 to 6 hours rest when my husband was available to help. I was advised not to pump at all for risk of it causing nipple confusion for my baby so he was strictly boob for almost three months. I was uninformed on the benefits of bed-sharing as a breastfeeding mom and I think that would have made things go a little smoother for us. He absolutely did not like to sleep in his crib and I should have listened to him.
I don't have all those beautiful breastfeeding pictures that I post for moms everyday on my support page. In fact, I have just one photo of me breastfeeding my son and thinking about that makes me very sad and even a tad regretful. As for breastfeeding in public, I didn't. I felt scared to and had zero confidence. So the most public I got was in my car and a bathroom stall. Yep you heard that right I breastfed my brand new baby in a bathroom stall because of a dirty look I got when I attempted to breastfeed on the bench. I was that scared, vulnerable, mother lacking confidence in myself and questioning every parenting decision I made.
When I joined the wonderful world of mommy pages on Facebook that is where I learned how controversial breastfeeding in public was. When I started reading about all the breastfeeding discrimination stories and moms who thought formula offered the exact same benefits breastmilk could, a little spark ignited. I thought, “Wow so I wasn't the only one who struggled with breastfeeding?!” I thought to myself, “How can I get through to these mamas the way I wished someone would have gotten through to me when I was breastfeeding?” So then on September 14th, 2012 I created , “Breastfeeding Mama Talk” I wanted a place to discuss all aspects of breastfeeding , a place for breastfeeding moms to go to for support in their journey. A place to empower moms to trust their body's ability to produce the best possible nutrition for their babies, Reassure them that every single drop they gave counted and to be proud of the fact they breastfed and not obsess over how long they breastfed. Most of all, I wanted to create an atmosphere where moms felt empowered to breastfeed – however, wherever, & for however long they choose to.
About 3 months into starting the page I realized how important breastfeeding support really is for these moms. I will be honest, I was not planning on having one of the biggest breastfeeding support pages on Facebook, I was not expecting for my page to have such deep positive life changing impacts on people's lives. When the testimonials started to roll in on different ways Breastfeeding Mama Talk had impacted their lives for the better is when I really started taking my new role as a breastfeeding advocate seriously. I'm not a big person of prayer, but something I had prayed for all my life was to feel like I had a purpose in this world, feel like I could make a true difference, and feel like if I died tomorrow I would be missed. So what the mamas I support every single day for the past two years do not know, is that they are just as important in my life as BFMT is in theirs.
So no, I'm not your average breastfeeding advocate as I'm not currently breastfeeding and I only breastfed for 3 months. I can't post breastfeeding selfies of myself every other day and I can't breastfeed in public to do my part in normalizing breastfeeding, but what I can do is be a strong support system for mothers who are currently breastfeeding and help give them the courage I wish I had when I was breastfeeding. There are also admins I put on who are qualified to help with all those breastfeeding questions! I can also relate and empathize with the moms who share the struggles and frustrations I had. I come from a non bias perspective and would never dare give someone a hard time for not loving every single moment of breastfeeding. I also come from a non-judgmental perspective because really, who am I to judge?
My passion for breastfeeding and getting moms support grows stronger and stronger every single day. Every time I get a message explaining how Breastfeeding Mama Talk helped them, be it with giving them the confidence to breastfeed in public how they were the most comfortable, deciding to breastfeed longer when they felt like quitting, or giving them the confidence to stick up for themselves when they get discriminated against makes me realize just how important my role as an advocate really is. I'm not perfect and have made mistakes along the way with parenting and as a blogger/site owner, but I choose to learn from the mistakes and better myself as a parent and advocate.
I encourage you to look through the BFMT testimonial album to see just how important breastfeeding support and advocacy is! (Click here!)
Alyssa Milano Defending Breastfeeding Again!!!!
/I just can't get enough of Alyssa Milano lately! I just caught a clip of Milano on The Late Show talking about the negative response she got on her breastfeeding photos. She says, "It's hard to breastfeed in public for sure. I was afraid of pictures showing up on TMZ so I actually instagrammed my own pictures to sort of beat them to the punch. So I posted these pictures of me breastfeeding and I got all of these horrible comments. like, "You should do that in private. If you're in public you should go to a public restroom!" Like I'm gonna feed my baby in a disgusting public restroom?! Do you want to eat in a restroom?!"
It's Okay To Dislike Breastfeeding Sometimes!
/Here is a little secret, I won't tell if you don't. It's okay to not love breastfeeding ALL the time. It's okay to get frustrated after being bit, scratched, & slapped for the fifth time since you sat down for that one feed. It's okay to cry in the bathroom because you feel like a human cow and feel like the pressure is all on you to make sure to keep your little human nourished. It's okay to look forward to the day when your little one no longer needs your boob for food & comfort. It's okay to not like breastfeeding in public all the time because of a bad experience you had from the time before, and now whenever you go out in public, you hope to make it home before baby needs to eat again. It doesn't make you a horrible mother for not loving your breastfeeding experience ALL THE TIME. People feel like if they share their frustrations or dare vent about breastfeeding, that they are somehow failing as a breastfeeding mother, and the truth is it's perfectly normal and in fact healthy to talk about your frustrations because chances are someone else is going through the exact same thing!
I think many women feel like they are "doing it wrong" because maybe they don't find their whole breastfeeding experience joyful and the hard cold truth is some parts of breastfeeding bites, literally. A lot of moms fear their biting nursling and that is a valid and logical fear. Here is my girl Ashley Wright from Ms. Wrights Way take on biting and breastfeeding.
Then you have the nursling that likes to pinch you, slap you, and pull your hair and while it can be cute and funny sometimes it could be annoying and that doesn't mean you love your baby any less, for not loving those moments.
If your nursling seems to be focused on your hair and face while nursing I recommend wearing a Nursing/Teething necklace from The Vintage Honey Shop!! In this video it will show you how the nursling is no longer trying to pinch and poke at mama, but instead grabbing and playing with the Necklace!
Maybe you're having supply issues and you feel devastated and it discourages you to continue on. Don't give up mama that is when you need support the most!
Sometimes it sucks when you have to pick out outfits out based on how easy you can nurse in them. Sometimes the milk stained stretched out shirt look gets old. I feel you on that. It's definitely okay to dislike your breastfeeding wardrobe.
Nevertheless please do not keep your struggles inside or feel like you shouldn't talk about them because that is when you need support the most! Moms who get support breastfeed longer!
