Your Breastfeeding Photos Make Me Sad

By: Kristy Kemp 

Your breastfeeding photos are beautiful. 
Your breastfeeding photos also fill my heart with loss and regret. 
It's not that I don't like seeing them.
 It's not that I think you're wrong for posting. 
I feel envious and I know that is wrong. I should feel happy for you, but I don't, Instead I feel sad for myself, nowhere near glad like I know that I should. 
When I see your Brelfie it makes me wish I could post my own. 
I'm not mad at you
I do not hate  or blame you either. 
I can't help these feelings that overcome my heart. 
Such a mix of emotion because I love breastfeeding and all that it stands for.
I hate that I didn't get to have the same joyous experience of my own.
I hate that I don't get to fill an album full of breastfeeding photos like you have shown.
I hate that I struggled.
I hate that I had no support
and
I hate that when I see your breastfeeding photo it makes me sad. 
They say you shouldn't live your life with any regret
and I really do understand why. 
Regret makes you bitter.
regret makes you mad.
Little by little I'm learning to accept. 
Little by little I'm learning to grow my heart, 
so that when I see your photo
my heart will only light up with joy
and not ache in pain & regret.

Breastfeeding is such a bittersweet for me
on the one hand I love it and want to promote it
on the other it saddens me and hurts my soul. 
Please know that these feelings have nothing to do with you
and please can you just understand
That it's because of my love for breastfeeding
is why it also has this power to make me oh so very sad.
I love the breastfeeding photos
I love that you're giving your baby the best.
I love that your proud of breastfeeding
and I love that you're confident enough to attest. 
This issue of mine has nothing to do with your photos you see
it has everything to do with me
and I think other moms who share my same grief
blame their feelings of sadness on you
maybe one day they will realize that those of you
with photos and your emotional shares of joy
have nothing to do with the grief they feel or their discontent. 
Breastfeeding should be celebrated
even if it hurts others to see
because it's a celebration
a celebration of joy, love, & care
with no ill intent or spite. 
Moms can be proud and shout it out to the world
with no feeling of guilt or shame. 
You have nothing to apologize for and you should never hold your celebration back
and this is coming from a mom who has that loss and regret. 
If I can manage to see the beauty in your photos
even though it used to make my heart blue.
I hope others can learn to see the beauty too & realize themselves
that their loss, and sadness, and envy has nothing to do with you.