My Imperfect Breastfeeding Journey
/By: Teresa Finoccio (Guest Blogger from Breastfeeding World)
My daughter is currently 4.5 months and exclusively breastfed. Breastfeeding is simple, sweet and soothing…but it wasn’t always this way for us. In fact, it still isn’t perfect, but is anything really? It took me 3 months to comfortably breastfeed. A long, hard and overwhelming 3 months. I am so glad I kept on going with such determination. Here is my story…
Our first latch
My daughter was born at home (planned) and we had immediate skin-to-skin bonding, for over an hour, before baby got her first exam and I got cleaned up. We had all the advantages that apparently lead to successful breastfeeding journeys. In our first hour together, she did latch but only lightly and for a couple of minutes. My midwife told me her stomach was so tiny, and she had probably gotten enough and not to worry. So, I didn’t. By our second night together, I started to realize that maybe she was not latching correctly or eating enough. This was confirmed at her 2 day appointment when her pediatrician referred a bilirubin test and the results showed a slightly jaundiced baby. Talk of supplementing from doctors and family members had me feeling like a failure. My midwife reassured me that she would come help us with our latch and that I do not need to worry, we will get this down. In the meantime, I went to the store and got myself a pump, so baby would be able to get what she needed from the bottle. Pumping would take about an hour – and hurt – to get 2 ounces of colostrum. By the time I pumped, fed her, laid her down and washed the pump parts, it was time to pump again so it would be ready for her next feeding. This was exhausting.
One plus to pumping- Daddy got to feed and bond.
In the next week, my midwife did help us with our latch. But it hurt. It hurt so bad. I would feed her and have to kick my feet, bite my tongue, yell, cry, and have a fan on me because I would sweat from the pain and I would dread every single feeding. Suddenly, the exhaustion of the pumping cycle seemed like a better bet than the excruciating pain from actually breastfeeding. After doing my research, it sounded like I could use some nipple creams to help alleviate the pain, so lanolin it was. I used it, religiously, for about a week. A couple of days into using the lanolin, I began to itch very bad in not so pleasant areas – but most research I did suggested it was part of the healing process (although I did not tear during my birth). About 24 hours after that, it was my entire body. I started seeing a rash on my arms and face. I was so confused! What is this?!
Full body allergic reaction to lanolin
Within 48 hours of the initial itch, my entire body from head to toe was broken out into a complete rash. My lips were swollen and my whole body was itching more than you could imagine. My midwives and I were stumped – I began taking oatmeal baths and brainstorming on what I ate differently or something new I used on my skin recently. I took one Benadryl, knowing it was going to be bad news but couldn’t help it and quickly learned my lesson. I get knocked out when I take Benadryl. Like, don’t try to touch me or wake me for 8 hours at least knocked out. Well, with a hungry newborn and as a breastfeeding mama, that wasn’t going to work. Finally, when I told my midwife everything I have ever been allergic to (poison ivy and wool) her light bulb went off. Lanolin is made of wool!!! In the trash went my tubes of lanolin. Since I was using this so religiously, numerous times a day, on my open cracked nipples, it had been in my bloodstream quite a while. My midwives prescribed me a 2 week steroid and it took about 3 weeks for my rash to fully go away.
A great Nipple balm to use that is 100% natural and lanolin free is Nipple Nurture Balm from Fairhaven Health!
In the meantime, I started going to free breastfeeding classes at my local hospital hosted by a lactation consultant. Here I learned about many things, one of them being thrush. It sounded like I had all the symptoms, but my baby showed no signs. My midwives decided to treat me for it anyway, and it did really help. But as fast as things got better, they got worse again just as quick. My rash came and went, my baby’s latch was perfect according to my midwife and lactation consultant at class, the thrush symptoms went away… but breastfeeding still hurt. A LOT. Finally, I decided to contact a lactation consultant that would come to my house, observe how I fed and my positions, offer advice and hopefully fix me. Please, fix me.
Throughout all of this so far, everyday was a constant struggle in my mind to give up or keep going. I could not even hold my baby because my nipples were in such constant pain. I would cry from the pain during feedings, but also in general not even during a feeding. I would cry from the stress and the constant battle in my mind on what to do? If things aren’t better by the end of the week…I must have said that to myself for at least 8 weeks. I had to be constantly topless as my nipples couldn’t even touch a piece of clothing they were so sore. Drying off after a shower was not even possible without cringing. I used nipple shells (I learned about those at the classes as well), which guard your nipples from your clothing. They were a lifesaver and the biggest pain in the butt at the same time. Constantly leaking every time I bent over and in my sleep, pouring out all over everything and wasting my precious milk! I also learned about nipple shields – an artificial nipple to place over your own to help with the pain – but it did nothing to help my pain. If anything, it made it worse! I picked up a hands-free pumping bra from Target and WOW! This was the best day in my breastfeeding journey so far! My 45-60 minute pumping sessions turned into 15 minute sessions (tops) to get the same amount of milk! This was definitely a game changer. I began a new system – pump/bottle-feed, breastfeed, pump/bottle-feed, breastfeed… I kept up with this every-other system for about a month and it really helped allow my nipples to heal.
Hands down pun intended the best invention ever!
When my lactation consultant came for a visit, she taught me the football position (which took 5 pillows and a perfect seat on the couch) and the side-laying position which made amazing differences. The football position helped relieve some pain and in the side-laying position at least I was comfortable and in pain, rather than sitting up straight and hurting my back! Anyway, the changing point in our journey was during this visit when the consultant mentioned posterior tongue tie. I had heard of tongue tie, which is pretty easy to see, but I had never heard of posterior tongue tie, which is harder to depict (even some lactation consultants and pediatricians do not recognize posterior tongue ties!). My baby could not lift her tongue to the roof of her mouth or stick it out as far as she should be able to. This was causing her to not be able to get the proper tongue wave/motion she needed to use while nursing. I was recommended to a pediatric dentist who specializes in these frenulum procedures. I was so relieved, so elated, knowing that there was something that could fix all of this. I saw a ray of light, of hope! I even learned of Dr. Jack Newman’s nipple cream that could be made lanolin free and got a prescription for that which did help in the meantime.
Road-trip Breastfeeding
I immediately contacted the dentist and of course, with my luck, he was on his first day of a 9 day vacation. However, he told me he would fit me in the day he got back, and he did. We went to our appointment and sure enough, she indeed had a form of tongue tie.Hallelujah! There is a cure! At this point I was past the thought of giving up, I was going to go until 6 months no matter what, but I really hoped I could improve my comfort level. Well, we got the procedure and for 2 weeks had to do tongue stretches on the baby. The doc told me I should feel an improvement within a week but it could take up to 3 weeks, and there were no guarantees this was even going to fix our issues. BUT IT DID! And it took a whole more month! I started really feeling a difference around the 2nd week. You could see how different it looked when she would eat! The range she had with her tongue movements were suddenly impressive! I couldn’t believe I didn’t recognize this earlier. Thank goodness I finally gave up my stubbornness and hired a lactation consultant!
By month 3, things were really starting to get easy. So easy, I took a 5 day road trip and only brought my boobs! No pumps, no bottles, no shields or shells! (OK, I broght the shield, but like I said, is anything ever really perfect?) The shield does help with pain now (since her tongue tie was fixed), and honestly I still use it for 50% of my feedings on my left breast. For some reason, my left nipple never fully healed and still gives me slight pain here and there. My nipple shells went in the trash and my pump is now used only for babysitting purposes!
So, does breastfeeding get easier, does it get better? Yes, but sometimes it takes longer than a couple of weeks. Here I am, with a 4.5 month old, exclusively breastfeeding. Is it perfect? Nope. But it works. And it is comfortable. And it is best for my baby. I still do not know how I made it through the first 2 months, but I am so glad I did! And my new goal is to go until one year…at least!
The reason I kept going
Seven Contradictory Statements Made About Breastfeeding...
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Over the years I have heard people contradict themselves. Basically say one thing, but really mean another. From admitting that they know breastfeeding is the best option for baby, but when they reach the ripe age of one all of a sudden it changes and mom should wean immediately. How can you in one breath say you know breastmilk is the most beneficial, but then take it back as soon as the child has a birthday? I have listed seven statements people make that contradict each other.
1.) "You really should breastfeed, breast is best you know... "
Mom chooses to breastfeed and she is a year strong!
"You're still breastfeeding? Shouldn't you consider weaning by now?"
2.) "Breastfeed how you're most comfortable."
Mom breastfeeds proudly with no cover and no shame.
"Well I meant breastfeed how you're most comfortable, but at least use a cover."
3.) "That's great that you breastfeed on demand!"
Mom breastfeeds on demand. Mom breastfeeds when baby needs comfort. Mom breastfeeds whenever baby wants.
"Is that baby always attached to that boob? He can't be that hungry all the time. Is your supply okay?"
4.) "That's great that breastfeeding relaxes your baby!"
Mom breastfeeds her baby to sleep..
"You really shouldn't breastfeed your baby to sleep that is a bad habit that's gonna be hard to break later on."
5.) "Just because you're a breastfeeding mom you still deserve a night out to unwind!"
Mom enjoys a beer on her night out because she is well informed that you can safely consume alcohol as a breastfeeding mom.
"Oh my goodness I hope that was a non alcoholic beer you just drank! Don't want all that to go to baby."
6.) "Have you considered pumping so you can let others HELP YOU with the feedings and give you a break?
Mom tries to pump, but it causes her too much pain and she wasn't getting enough out with the pump.
"Wow you're selfish so you take over all the feedings? What about if dad or others wanted to help with the feedings? I don't think that's right!"
7.) "You're worried about your milk supply? Maybe look into some lactation boosters or something.."
Mom continues to offer breast , skin to skin, Nursing Time Tea, & Bessie's Best: Lactation Cookies and works really hard to maintain exclusively breastfeeding!
"You really should supplement with formula if you think you're not producing enough milk."
No matter what choices you make as a breastfeeding mom someone will judge you, criticize you, belittle you, & tell you that you're wrong. Only you and baby know what works and what doesn't. Don't ever allow anyone to make you doubt your ability to nourish your child.
The highs, lows, & plateaus of our breastfeeding journey
/By: Darla Read (Guest Blogger from MsMamaBearRead)
Looking back to my pregnancy, I don’t remember giving a lot of thought to breastfeeding. I had a few friends who breastfed, some who didn’t but, I don’t remember having many conversations about either. However, I do remember this: I was determined to have a natural, unmedicated birth, and that was because I knew the evidence said that it was easier to initiate breastfeeding if such a birth took place. That doesn’t mean women who have an epidural or c-sections can’t have great breastfeeding relationships (obviously – I know many such women who have), but it just increases the likelihood.
I did a lot of reading and preparing for birth and then once I had read all I could, I planned to read and learn about breastfeeding. However, I never got the chance, as my son was born nearly four weeks early. The knowledge I had was from one of our prenatal classes (hats off to my husband, APB, as he was the only male who attended the breastfeeding class – all the other men skipped that one!).
The early days and weeks
As this happened nearly 15 months ago, I’m a bit fuzzy on the details. I remember a lactation consultant came and spoke to me and my husband and wanted us to do 20 minutes of breastfeeding, followed by my husband finger feeding our baby while I pumped for 20 minutes. I think this was because Cub’s blood sugars were low and because he was believed to be premature. He was born at 36 weeks 3 days, yet he was very alert, and he was 7 pounds. To this day, I’ve wondered if my dates were wrong, as he didn’t strike us as a premature baby. Had I had more time to learn about breastfeeding in the early days, specifically about babies and low blood sugars, I may not have agreed to this without any thought, but I didn’t have the knowledge I have now.
I’d add this is the only time I’ve ever pumped. I commend mamas who pump regularly, as I’m not sure I could have done it.
At the beginning of every feed, Cub’s foot would be poked to take blood to test. Then he would nurse. We told the nurse we were concerned about the association of something painful and then breastfeeding and how that might negatively affect the relationship, but it’s how the test is done.
My husband and I agreed that after the finger feeding, we would return Cub to the breast in hopes he would associate being full or satisfied with breastfeeding. Once my milk came in, he nursed like a champ. I recall nursing in the middle of the night while watching a wild thunderstorm.
On the third day, the staff determined Cub’s bilirubin levels were too high. Phototherapy as treatment was suggested or rather just done (nurse came in and strapped the photo blanket to him). A mask was placed over his eyes. We found both of these really interfered with breastfeeding, and since we knew at that point that breastfeeding was very effective at lowering bilirubin, APB and I made the decision to remove both while nursing and if it meant we had to stay in the hospital longer, so be it. We were confident in our decision as parents.
On the fourth day, we were released from the hospital. From what I remember, breastfeeding at home went well. We breastfed on demand/cue and I spent a lot of time topless. I know this from looking back at photos of me where I’m either draped in a receiving blanket or have on a shirt that isn’t breastfeeding-friendly, but it’s because someone came over and I threw something on!
I remember long nights of cluster feeding. I read a lot of books, watched a lot of re-runs of HGTV’s Urban Suburban, and spent nights on our big comfy sectional. In hindsight, we should have upgraded our cable package and I could have also set up better and just nursed in bed, as that’s what we eventually did and still do.
It sounds so easy now, but I remember one night collapsing in a crying mess on the couch, wishing baby would stop nursing. I was and still am lucky to have such a supportive husband who took Cub and snuggled so I could get some sleep. Who knew 3 hours could feel so blissful?
Thrush
Things were going well (Cub was growing and nursing well and sleep likely a distant memory) until Cub was about six weeks old (or so). At this point, I developed thrush. I recall excruciating pain in my breasts, like being stabbed with hot fire, to the point that I would howl and bawl when he latched. I went to my doctor, who gave antibiotics to Cub and I started using a yeast infection cream.
The thrush seemed to improve in a couple of days, only to get even worse after that. I called the breastfeeding consultants at West Winds in tears. The woman I spoke to asked if she could advocate on my behalf with my doctor, and I was more than happy to let her because I was a mess. We agreed I needed the all purpose nipple ointment, so she asked my doctor if she would get me a prescription. My doctor refused, saying she felt I had a painful latch.
While I may have been a new mom, I knew this was not just a painful latch. Since my doctor wouldn’t help me, I went to the health bus and spoke to a nurse practitioner, who not only wrote me the prescription, but gave me her cell number in case the pharmacy had questions about the compound ointment.
I speak about this matter of factly now, but I was devastated. I was in pain and my doctor wouldn’t listen to me, which made me feel so defeated. Luckily, it was the LC who, after I asked her what I could do, suggested the health bus as a means to get what I needed. It shouldn’t have come to that, but at least I got the help I needed. I switched doctors after this but that’s a post for another time.
I remember I texted my two doulas often while battling thrush. They kept encouraging me, promising me it would get better. One would text lactation educators for additional ideas to get rid of the thrush (that led to washing bedding every. Damn. Day.). The other suggested I be honest and tell people I was struggling. I did: I posted exactly that on my Facebook page. I was touched and overwhelmed by all the support and responses I got from close friends but also friends I hadn’t seen in ages. It helped a lot. Don’t underestimate the power of women helping women.
During all this, Cub was thriving. He became the chubbiest baby in the neighbourhood, if not city/province/country (?), rocking out at the 100% percentile for weight from about 3 and a half months onward.
Mastitis
Instead of partying New Year’s Eve, we had friends over New Year’s Day. I felt crummy, like I was coming down with a cold or something. Tired and achy. I noticed while nursing that my one boob was hot, sore, and had a rock – hard spot. I tried to massage it to the point that I bruised it. I tried hot compresses. I tried hot baths and showers and dangling my boobs in the tub.
By the time I went to the doctor on January 2nd, I felt like I had the flu. Zero energy. She told me I had a mild case of mastitis and I shuddered to think of women who get a severe case. She gave me antibiotics since it was a weekend, saying I could take them or keep doing what I was doing and it would go away in a couple of days. I took them and was cleared up just as she said.
Now for the good stuff
When I started my blog, it was because I wanted to document and remember my parenting journey. I figured if anything I wrote helped someone, that was a bonus.
I share my breastfeeding journey for both these reasons. If I can help one mom who feels lost or overwhelmed, I will feel I’ve done some good.
Sure, I’ve had sleepless nights. All parents do at some point, whether you breastfeed or not. I’ve had shit to deal with while breastfeeding, as you’ve read. But I wouldn’t change any of it.
I love breastfeeding my son. Somewhere along the way, I began to mother through breastfeeding without even realizing it: it didn’t just provide my baby food, but comfort and love, too, whether he was tired, scared, lonely, sad, whatever. I only realized that was how I felt after reading The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding and it talked about that philosophy. I read that book when Cub was 11-months-old. I wished I’d read it sooner, but then again if I had, maybe it wouldn’t have resonated with me the way it did.
So you’ll have tough days, bad days, days where you think you have nothing left to give, physically and emotionally. You might wish for more sleep, but frankly, there’s no guarantee you’d get more anyway, so if you want to breastfeed, breastfeed. These tough moments will pale to the days where you remember the sweet cuddles of your baby falling asleep at your breast or gazing up at you as you nurse them. And when I’m feeling exhausted, I remind myself of the saying I’ve seen floating around social media: you’ll never feel this loved again. It’s likely true. One day he won’t want me to hold him. He won’t want to nurse. And when it comes, we’ll both be ready, but that day isn’t here yet, so I accept and embrace everything that comes with it.
APB says there can be a romanticized version of breastfeeding and says I sometimes fall into that. Maybe, but I think I recognize it can be tough, and that it’s hard work. I think the cliché “nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight” is true here.
I went from not giving much thought to breastfeeding to being an advocate. Or at least I hope I’m one. And I went from apparently telling my doula that I’d breastfeed for a year to knowing we will do full-term breastfeeding and Cub will wean when he’s ready. It would break his heart, and therefore mine, if we did otherwise.
Cub nursing at the mall. What you can't see are the two high school girls sitting beside us who didn't blink an eye. Awesome to see.
I was told it would get better. It has. It’s not perfect – nothing is – but it’s great. And it’s not over yet…Our breastfeeding journey is to be continued…
Photographer Receives Negative Response For Breastfeeding Photos & Her Response To The Criticism...
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When photographer, Alicia Samone, posted a breastfeeding photo to her Photography Facebook page (Alicia Samone Photography)she was shocked at the negative feedback it received. Despite the fact that her photo received negative feedback and loss of page likes she still kept the photo up. She says that the photo had also been reported to Facebook as nudity. Per Facebook guidelines breastfeeding photos are allowed so her photo adheres to Facebook guidelines.
Read MoreThings I Would Tell My New Mom Self...
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I have listed some things I wish someone would have told me as a new mom. Things I would tell myself if I was able to go back in time and have my future self tell my new mom self. Of course, the things I would tell myself may differ from yours, but maybe not. My hope is that this reaches out to a new mom and maybe she can utilize these things with her baby.
*You are going to receive a ton of well meaning sometimes not so well meaning parenting advice, always go with your gut. Don't start to doubt yourself because your mother in law tells you that you're doing something wrong. Maternal instinct is stronger than you think.
*Your baby will want to be held and may cry an awful lot. Guess what? That's completely normal! Your baby is not broken. You may be told not to pick him up every time he cries or that allowing him to cry himself to sleep is good for his lungs, but your mommy gut will tell you otherwise. Pick your baby up as often as you want and comfort him every time. Your baby is in a new environment and needs your help and comfort to make him feel secure.
*No matter what choice you make as a parent someone will judge you for it. Just remain confident in yourself and your ability to be the best parent to your child. People who would rather judge you then try to help and support you serve no purpose in your life.
*Skin to skin contact with your baby is so beneficial especially in the fist minutes after you birth them. Did you know that a newborn baby can actually find their way to mamas breast without any help just from being placed on your stomach? It's a pretty amazing thing. Skin to skin contact even months later is so good for their growth and development and can even help with breastfeeding!
*Breastfeed your baby! Colostrum is the milk you produce right after you have your baby. It's like supercharged breastmilk and it's very crucial to their newborn days to receive it. I could do a whole article dedicated to all the ways colostrum will benefit your baby, but I will name just a few. Your colostrum provides not only perfect nutrition tailored to the needs of your newborn, but also large amounts of living cells which will defend your baby against many harmful agents. The concentration of immune factors is much higher in colostrum than in mature milk. Colostrum also contains high concentrations of leukocytes, protective white cells which can destroy disease-causing bacteria and viruses. More on colostrum benefits found here- [1]
*You may doubt your ability to nourish your baby solely by your breasts, but don't! You can do it mama! It may be hard and downright painful at first , but you and baby will get the hang of things soon and it will be something special only you, as the mother, can give. My number one advice I would give is to join support groups and hear from other mamas going through the exact same things! Talk to Lactation consultants, Attend your local La Leche League meetings and it will be a lot easier to make it through the rough patches. You may think you're not producing enough, but don't automatically run to those formula samples quite yet. Get second and third opinions from qualified people in breastfeeding before supplementing. Many moms think they aren't producing enough when in reality they are producing just enough! Breastfeeding is supply and demand, which means breastfeed often even if it's just for comfort to your baby.
*You will make plenty of mistakes along the way because you're human and we're not built to be perfect. Mistakes do not make you a bad mom, but learning from those mistakes makes you a better one.
*Some days will seem unbearable. Sleep deprivation, lack of showering, spit up stained clothes, and piles and piles of never ending laundry. I wish I could say all that ends after the newborn stage, but it really doesn't, you just adapt and learn to cope better with your crazy life.
*Sing to your baby often, talk to your baby like you're having a regular conversation with a friend. They may not talk back or understand any of what you're saying, but they are listening, they are learning, and it's so crucial to their developmental growth!
*Don't be in a rush to get your baby on solids. Both the AAP and WHO recommend that you wait until your baby is at least six months of age. When they reach six months and they start showing an interest in solids I recommend Baby Led Weaning. There are a ton of great articles on Baby Led Weaning you can read up on to see if that is something you think is best for you and your baby.
Above everything else inform yourself and just trust your mommy instincts. Don't ever feel guilty for meeting the needs of your baby. Your child should always come first and people who can't understand that should have no place in your life. You will get through this and you will become such a strong amazing person because of it.
