6 Things Formula Moms Should Stop Saying...
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I recently wrote a blog listing, "6 Things Breastfeeding Advocates Should Stop Saying" by popular demand I have now written one listing 6 Things Formula Moms should Stop Saying. I'm pretty sure the title alone already has some people up in arms, but here goes...
1.) "You think you're so much better than me because I don't breastfeed."
Believe it or not, most moms do not choose to breastfeed because they are concerned with being better than other moms. The choice to breastfeed has to do with mom and baby only. Breastfeeding is a huge commitment and I doubt at 3 am when they are up for the forth feeding with their nipples burning, they are thinking, "So glad I chose this to be a better mom than those who didn't choose this." That's most likely the last thing on their mind.
2.) "So you're saying babies who aren't breastfed will be dumb?"
No, no they're not. When the benefit about breastfed babies get higher I.Q.'s is stated it really seems to stir the pot. No one is saying your baby will be dumb and no one is saying that all it takes for a high I.Q. is breastmilk. It gets frustrating when anytime benefits of breastmilk is stated people think that their baby will go without because they don't breastfeed and that isn't the case.
3.) "Formula is just as good as breastmilk."
No, formula is an adequate alternative to breastmilk, but it is not just as good. That is not an attack, it's simple science. Breastmilk is alive formula is not. No matter how hard they try to duplicate breastmilk it cannot and will not ever be duplicated to an exact science. There are so many differences between formula and breastmilk so saying that the two are one in the same is not accurate.
4.) "Formula moms get discriminated against too, not just breastfeeding moms."
That is not true. Formula moms may get judged and receive criticism, but they do not get discriminated against. Moms who bottle feed don't get told to cover up, to move it to a restroom, get the cops called on them, and actually kicked out of establishments. Breastfeeding moms actually had to have laws made just to protect their right to feed in public. Breastfeeding moms have to have nurse ins and protests just to make a point that they have just as much of a right to feed in public as anyone else. Breastfeeding moms have to hear judgments and criticisms for the way they choose to breastfeed in public. The discrimination breastfeeding moms face sucks and is definitely not something they are proud to claim happens, but it does.
5.) "Not all moms can breastfeed so you should consider their feelings."
I'm not even really sure what that means. Obviously not all moms can or will breastfeed, but what kind of considerations are they wanting people to take? It's never okay to judge or criticize a mom for her feeding choices, so lets just get that out of the way.. But I hear that remark made when a simple post is made talking about a benefit of breastmilk or when a mom describes her experience and talks about the beautiful bond they share through breastfeeding. Promoting breastmilk, sharing facts and personal experiences is not judging moms who couldn't breastfeed or chose not to breastfeed. I think I would have to say it's a two way street , have consideration for what breastfeeding moms go through and we can have consideration for what formula feeding moms go through, but trying to silence people from discussing breastfeeding in a positive light is never gonna happen and it's inconsiderate of anyone to expect that.
6.) "Just because you breastfeed that doesn't mean I love my baby any less because I formula feed."
Breastfeeding moms talk about their bonds they have with their breastfed babies and I notice that it sets something off in some people. Just because a mom is describing the love she feels and talks about the amazing bond she has with her baby that in no way implies that she thinks those who don't breastfeed will not experience a loving bond and feel a connection with their babies. All moms connect and bond with their babies differently so please stop feeling the need to defend the fact that you love, bond, and connect with your baby as well of course you do! A mom describing her bond and how she gets it is not a mom implying that is the only way all moms can bond.
I hope this helps clear some things up and I hope this article didn't get anyone too heated. This isn't meant to instigate or put anyone down. Remember, I'm both a breastfeeding mom and a formula feeding mom so I definitely do not have a bias viewpoint. I try my best to keep my advocacy fair and supportive. I think all moms deserve love and support no matter what they feed their babies!
I Love You Baby, We Will Get Through This...
/By: Erika W. Venci
6 Things Breastfeeding Advocates Should Stop Saying....
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Breastfeeding advocacy was never something I thought I would be so passionate about. I knew from a very young age that I wanted to have a true purpose in this world. I was just not sure of what it was until a few years ago. I learned about all the controversy that surrounded breastfeeding and it saddened me. I also had my own struggles with breastfeeding that I feel molded me into the advocate I am today. Sometimes people like to wrap all advocates/activists into one entity, but I'm here to clear up a few things. In this article, I will list a few things I have heard from people who refer to themselves as advocates and or Lactivists. I feel like if you are focusing more on putting down people than you are supporting and lifting people up you aren't true to the cause. That's just my personal opinion. Here are 6 things I think breastfeeding advocates should stop saying....
1.) Formula is poison.
Going around calling formula poison will not get you anywhere. You can talk about the risks associated with formula without calling it poison. Many babies depend on formula whether you like it or not. Wanting every single baby to receive breastmilk is one thing, but calling formula poison will not make that happen. It will just make for some hurt feelings and heated debates.
2.) You should have tried harder.
Moms who tried to breastfeed are breastfeeding moms just the same. How do you know they didn't try their hardest to breastfeed longer? What good do you accomplish by telling a mom she should have tried harder? Breastfeeding is natural, but it doesn't come naturally to all.. Instead , tell her that any drop of breastmilk she gave was worth it and a beautiful gift she gave to her baby.
3.) If you didn't at least try to breastfeed, you are selfish.
You never know someone's situation. Not that those who didn't even attempt to breastfeed need justification, but I want to share a perspective.
Breastfeeding should be mutually desired. Say a mom is a sexual abuse survivor the thought of breastfeeding her baby may sicken her, may cause vivid flash backs, may cause her to go into a deep depression. What good would that do for her baby if she is able to sure, feed baby breastmilk, but what about baby's other needs? If mom is an emotional wreck she may not bond with her baby, she may even start to resent her baby. I'd say that a mom knowing her limits and what she can or can't handle beforehand is selfless , not selfish. What would you hope to achieve by telling a mom she's selfish anyway?
4.) Breast is best!
This confuses a lot of people when I talk about why I do not say or like the term, "Breast is best" because breast is best right? Breast is the biological norm. From The Milk Meg- "Breast is not best because then we use the same language created to market and sell formula…the “best” alternative or the “best” ingredients. Breast is just the norm." Full article from The Milk Meg - (HERE)
5.) Moms who formula feed are lazy.
Whether you breastfeed or formula feed that definitely does not determine whether or not you're a lazy parent. What someone decides to feed their kid has nothing to do with laziness. There are struggles with both breastfeeding and formula feeding. Formula moms have to get up in the middle of the night to make fresh bottles, heat water and or bottle, mix it, wash the bottles, go the store to get the formula, etc... So it's not like there is a lot less work to formula feeding except for the fact if she has people helping her, but many moms who use formula are stay at home mamas and do the majority of the feedings too. So stop with the lazy comments.
6.) If you had more determination and will power then maybe you would have breastfed longer.
Trying to pick apart why a mom didn't breastfeed or switched to formula won't help matters. If you honestly feel like the person you are talking to had no determination or will power that's definitely something you should keep to yourself. Moms should not be criticized or made to feel bad or less than for their feeding choices and when you represent yourself as an advocate you should take that title seriously. To me, an advocate means giving support to those who need it, sticking up for moms who are being put down, informing, advising, giving love, and inspiration. Again, you won't get anywhere going around trying to pick apart and put down moms who didn't breastfeed or didn't breastfeed as long as you think they should have. Stick with promoting what you love, not attacking what you hate.
Breastfeeding advocacy is about supporting mothers, empowering mothers, and being there for mothers. Stop making it a competition or a war. It's not Breastfeeding Verse Formula feeding. Be passionate about breastfeeding support, not putting those down who aren't. You will feel much more fulfilled at the end of the day, trust me.
I just need to hear that we're doing okay.
/By: Kristy Kemp
This poem is very personal to me. I share some of my emotions, fears, worries after I had my son, Zander. I have shared my story in the past that I had anything but a perfect breastfeeding journey. You can find that story here...
Giving birth seems like the easy part, because it's what came after that gave me a rough start.
Is the car seat installed right? Am I producing enough milk? Will he latch? Will I ever get through this clueless rough patch?
Why does it seem like he always wants to feed maybe my breasts aren't fulfilling his needs.
The hospital staff seemed really sweet, but they seemed just as clueless as me when it came to breastfeeding.
No family nearby no friends to see and hubby back to work one week after I gave birth.
Just sitting at home all alone feeling stressed and I felt like a big giant mess.
Finally my milk is in! Mommy for the win!
Nurse all day nurse all night I hope I'm doing this right...
My Struggle With Supplementing & Milk Supply
/By: Tuesday Gray
Photo credit- Ashley Lynn Photography - San Diego Photographer
Madelyn will be 4 months in 9 days and has been exclusively breastfed for about a month now, but it was a rocky road getting here; these pictures mean so much to me I wrote this when she turned 3 months but never publicly shared it; 3 months old means 3 months of breastfeeding. 3 months that wasn't easy, 3 months of thinking many times we were going to fail. Our journey started off on the wrong foot with Madelyn wanting to sleep too much and my supply taking too long to come in. We had to supplement and that tore me up inside. After that first day of supplementing she started to get some nipple confusion, which broke me again, I know some people might not understand but my whole pregnancy all I thought about was just being able to nurse her and I *thought* it was going to be easier this time around, wrong.
We got into this whirlwind of supplementing and me not producing enough. She would nurse forever and then cry and cry inconsolably after I was dry and she wasn't done so I would give her 2 ounces of formula and she would be happy. I started to try all the things we are told will help our supply, nothing worked or if it did it upset her tummy too much. Again, I thought we were failing, but I wasn't about to give up. I finally found a breastfeeding supplement that I found from Fairhaven Health called, Nursing Blend, that actually worked and with pumping, feeding on demand, waking her up every 2 hours even when she didn't want to, my supply finally adjusted to her needs. I am so grateful to have finally found a product that not only boosted my milk supply, but also didn't upset her tummy like the others did.
Madelyn is now exclusively breastfed because I, We, fought for it. I'm so proud of myself for working my butt off to achieve my goal and it was so worth it. It's been an emotional ride already and our next challenge will be me going back to work. We are now passed the "hard" part- I hope!
Photo credit- Ashley Lynn Photography - San Diego Photographer
